My Vegan Voyage Vlogmas Video
10:38 AM
Is there even a point in me calling this a vlogmas video? Eh, still gonna do it.
Gotta give a shout-out to my bae Tate over at
taylorspages.wordpress.com. She just put
up her very first vlog! So if you guys are at all interested in books and literature
and music and smart people who say smart things then check.her.out!
Alright, so like I mention in the video above, my voyage to veganism
is long-winded. I have suffered with low
self-esteem as early as elementary school.
Kids can be cruel and without really understanding why, I took
everything they said to heart. When they
called me Maggot or Magnifying-glass {get it? Name + being short} I couldn’t
laugh it off. I can now,
fortunately. Cause I mean, damn! That’s petty clever! But at the time and
throughout middle and high school, I thought I would be so much more beautiful if
I were just a few inches taller. Because
short people are cute. But tall people
are sexy. Or something like that.
And that brings me to the next thing I was made fun of for;
my nose. Now, you can tell in the videos
that I don’t have a cute, small lil button nose. For my entire life {literally, I can remember
when I was around four years old family would tell me that I had my mom’s nose and
that they felt sorry for me} I was told that I have a big nose. I got made fun of so much that my mom
suggested I get a nose job. Looking
back, I think maybe she suggested that because she herself wants a nose job,
hmm…
I feel like stopping here.
I feel like stopping because while all of this relates to my
past of disordered eating, it doesn’t quite relate to the video. So, that leads me to what does; my eating
disorder.
You know how some kids are really skinny and then some kids
are cute and chubby and that’s just how their body-shape is? Well, I was neither; I was the more muscular
child. I was stocky and kind of built
like a football player, which is pretty hilarious. My body shape is not a thin one; I do not
have a thin frame and no matter how hard I would try, I don’t think I could
ever achieve a thigh-gap. And that’s
just the way it goes. That, I understand
now.
But, it took me years to get to this point. I developed an eating disorder in high school
after I first went on a diet. I started
cutting out certain foods like sweets and fatty foods. Then I started cutting out everything that
wasn’t super healthy like meat. My
eating disorder hid under the veil of vegetarianism. I would have an apple for breakfast and try
not to eat any lunch and then I would eat a relatively normal-sized diner and
purge because I felt like it was too much food.
I developed orthorexia and bulimia. I was obsessed with eating only healthy foods
and I would purge anything that wasn’t considered healthy or that wasn’t
vegetarian.
Then, because I became obsessed with restricting myself, I
became vegan and eliminated all animal products as a way to punish myself. This is so crazy to me because I do not feel
that veganism is restricting AT ALL now!
So for a little over a year, I was off and on a vegan. I was so UNDER CARBED! It makes me so sad to think that I went through all of this, that there are so many people out there struggling with disordered eating and if only they knew that food is not the enemy!!!
Fortunately, I had had enough. I told myself that I cannot continue down this road. My throat ached from vomiting and my family was starting to catch on. I was hurting my brother and that was not cool.
So, I did a ton of research on healthy eating. I learned all about this:
and I was forever changed.
My advice for anyone struggling with disordered eating is SEEK HELP NOW! I thought that I wasn't 80lbs and my throat wasn't bleeding so I didn't need help. I was fine. But I wasn't and I found help. If I didn't, though, it would have been bad. Very, very bad.
Say, though, that you feel like there is no one you can talk to; your parents don't get it and you don't wanna go to a therapist. Fine. All I ask is that you reach out to someone to ask for help. Ask me. Seriously. All I want to do is help. There is a way out. There is a way, I promise.
You are so
much more than that stupid number below your toes.
Comment below if you've ever been bullied or if you've ever suffered with disordered eating. What is your story? Let me know! <3
1 comments
I for real cried when you started talking about how you were "so close" to being cured and how much you've changed and you smiled and it was just so genuine. I love you so much.
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