I am on a Journey. Wanna join me?

8:03 PM

Hey FiT VeGaNs!!! 

What's new?  I feel like it's been AAAAAAAAGES!

So, in the midst of finales week {in which I have three exams and an oral-hehe-final} I have decided to start a weight loss journey.

No, scratch that, not a weight loss journey...a FAT LOSS journey.  This journey shall also be a journey of self love.  I know, I know how floofy of me.  But, I'm so sick of crying over the way I look.  I am so sick of NOT being happy with my body.

What started this, you may ask?  Well, I'm not seriously over weight, I know that.  But, like many women {or like many humans, frankly} I really REALLY wanna look in the mirror and be like DAMN I look fuckin HOT.  But all I see is the number on the scale from the last time I went to the doctor {as I have mentioned, I do not weigh myself because of how it makes me-crazy-so the only time I get weighed it at the Doctor's office}.  I was not happy with that number.  In fact, I was downright devastated. Sickened, even.  Even more sickened by the fact that that stupid, insignificant number has had this much power over me.  I haven't been the same since I saw that number.  Even my doctor made a comment.  She said, and I quote,

"Wow, you've gained a lot of weight since last time."

Thanks, doc.

So it's a combination of my weight {because I just don't feel good at this weight, or, what this weight looks like to me} and me being unhappy that I can't see any abs.  May I go on a quick rant?  It will only take a sec.  Feel free to skip.

I am sick of feeling pudgy.  I know I'm not fat, but I'm not thin and I sure as hell don't feel fit.  Quite frankly I feel like a misrepresentation of my instagram name.  I know I need to change my way of thinking because this isn't healthy, but I also feel like I need to change the way I look a bit too because THAT doesn't seem healthy.  I am not that interested in losing pounds.  In fact, I could gain 20 pounds if it meant that I would LOOK BETTER.  My ideal body isn't super skinny like how I wanted in the past.  No, I want a strong, fit looking body with less noticeable fat.  I wanna be able to see my muscles and right now, I just look bulky and shapeless.  Am I being hard on myself?  Yeah, a little, but this is how I feel and I want to be really honest with anyone willing to read this.  I blame love, I do.  It's so damn easy to get snacks {chex mix is my crack} and eat it while watching Netflix with the BF.  Oh, not only has my appearance suffered, but my performance has as well, and THAT ladies and gents, is most troubling to me.  I've been running slower and for shorter distances.  I haven't been lifting as much.  Hell, I've only been to the gym once in the past 3 weeks.  Now what kind of a Fit Vegan am I?  That's right, I'm not and I am absolutely NOT okay with that.
/rant


Whew, well, there it is folks, I'm in for a change! Now who of you lovelies is with me?!?!


Share This Story

Tags:
Anonymous

You Might Also Like

0 comments

Popular Posts

Like us on Facebook

Flickr Images