Hey FiT VeGaNs!!!!

It's story time

So, I had an appointment for something that I'm sure I will talk about in the future, but as I'm sitting there, speaking with the nurse, she tells me to take off my boots and hop on the scale.

Immediately I thought well SHIT.  I don't do scales.  I don't like 'em, never have.  I don't own one cause the last time I did I used it too many times and broke it...anyways

I reluctantly took off my boots {these ones, to be exact} and stepped on the scale while begging myself not to look.
But, of course, as one does when they tell themselves not to do something
I looked.

And, lamely put, I was sad. I am sad.  I thought I was past this.  But, I will never get past this.  Eating disorders stick with you forever.  They follow you around like a fucking shadow, looming over you.  Except they don't go away when it's dark..you can't hide from them.

I would have never thought that I had gained weight, I didn't even think about it.  I didn't think I looked like I did. But THERE IT WAS ON THE FUCKING SCALE.  It's messing with my head.

I will never own a scale for this very reason; because a number does not define me.  A number does not tell me how beautiful I am, how kind I am, how healthy I am, or how much I should LOVE MYSELF.  A number should never give me permission to doubt myself or feel this bad.

That stupid, insignificant number should never have power over me.  Or you.

Fuck scales, man.

Thanks for reading.
xx